Monday, December 31, 2012

Taking Care of My Heart...

It's been awhile, yes, I know.  I usually have so much swirling in my little head and want to share it with all of you but...well...lately, it's just been focused on one thing.  My dad.

Since this is a fitness blog I didn't really feel like it was a place to throw it out there.  To say we got some 'not-so-good-news' and write about it, I frankly didn't think is was appropriate and plain didn't want to.  The words wouldn't come anyway.  I'm still working, taking care of my husband and our sweet furry family, but it's a bit more laborious these days.  But the time has come for me to come out of my little warm cocoon I've made for myself, at least to peek out a bit, and start again.  Start what?  Just...start, to begin again.  Start anything I use to do before the latest news.  Start a post,  reorganizing, hooping, running, creating, reading, relaxing, laughing.  All the things I use to do without thinking about it.

Am I sounding a bit like I'm whining here?  For goodness sakes, I really dislike whiners. But, I'm not going to apologize.  I needed to just 'be' for awhile.  I've realized that there are times in your life that you  need to take care of your heart.  To just feel all the emotions and revisit memories and begin thinking about the things that will happen in the near future and how I can be the support I'll need to be for my mom.  How to go about it with love and gentleness.  All of this was so much that I just stopped certain things that started to feel like excess noise.  So:  No posting, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Twitter and minimal emailing (reading or sending).  I only attended to the loves of my life, friends and my clients.

And no, you needn't tell me that a yoga class or a jog or exercise of some sort would do me good...you're preaching to the choir here.  But there was a time which I did all that to the extreme (long ago) and got myself sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  So I know the benefits of exercise but I'm also keenly aware of over exercising and not listening to my body.  Too much stress+too much exercise+little sleep=disaster.  So this time I knew a little 'down' time, that included some gentle exercise, was the prescription I needed.

So...here it is..

My dad's cancer (colon cancer) has spread.  It's been two years since his diagnosis, his surgery to remove two tumors (add open heart surgery for a double bypass mixed in the middle of all that), chemo pills and such.  But, it started growing and now,  spreading.  His doctor gave him two options:  Start with conventional chemotherapy or start hospice care.

My dad choose hospice.

Here's me and my dad at my niece's wedding just before "the news".  He can still 'cut a rug' like nobody's business.  Photos by Andrea Lucero of  www.thruandislens.com.

Always a gentleman.

He's a tough old Marine who raised a tough daughter but we're both soft on the inside, that I know for sure.  And although we can overcome many things, one thing he taught me was there are times you just have to turn around and look at your problems straight in the eyes and deal with it.  And if what you see isn't the best, well then, make it the best you can, damn it!  And that's an order!

And that's what he's doing.  So that's what I'll do too.

So, there you have it.  Not all of it but enough of it.  I know it's not a 'fitness' post but it's my post.  And on this New Year's Eve I'm remembering all the things he's taught me...and still teaching me.

Thanks Pops,

xoxo, Sharon

P.S. These beautiful pictures were taken by the very talented and lovely Andrea Lucero of  Thru Andi's lens.  If you need a photographer who can capture once in a lifetime shots, be it a wedding, portrait, musical band or business event, please don't hesitate to contact her.  She's amazing!




2 comments:

  1. Oh Sharon - I am literally in tears right now. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart. I am so sorry to hear about your dad's cancer having spread. I remember having a sense that something extraordinary was happening on the dance floor that day and now i feel it all over again. Hopefully this memory brings some comfort to you in this difficult time. My heart goes out to you. We will keep you and your pops in our prayers. Give him my love please.
    Hugs,
    Love Andi

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    1. Sweet Andi,
      Thank you so much for your words of comfort, they are truly appreciated. Thank you also for capturing the photos of my dad and myself. I will cherish them always. Your generosity, thoughtfulness and love overwhelm me.

      much love,
      Sharon

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